How to Attract Your Soulmate
Last month I published an article titled, “How to Attract Your Soulmate”. It was a popular post, and I received several emails from women sharing similar stories, and from women who appreciated the post and asked if I could explain in more detail how I personally attracted my soulmate.
So here it is ladies – the follow up to my original article, but with more specifics on exactly how I did it and how you can too.
Here’s your step-by step guide.:
1. Work on your own shit.
You know what shit I’m talking about! The shit that keeps you repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The shit that kept you stuck in your last relationship for far too long…the shit that helped you make excuses for your abusive boyfriend, your lazy (never reaching his potential) boyfriend, your philandering ex-husband.
What? You thought that was all about him? Come on, I’m not buying it, and neither are you! You know most of that was about you and your shit, not his.
Before you can even begin to attract the RIGHT partner, you need to handle your own shit first. At least the shit you know about…more will undoubtedly show up later 🙂 but this relationship piece – why you haven’t been able to attract the right partner – must be uncovered before you can put the rest of the puzzle together.
So for now, go ahead and put relationships and dating on hold while you do some real soul searching. Figure out why you keep repeating the same relationship mistakes time and time again. Ask yourself the important questions, and be honest with your answers.
Have you been putting up with mentally or physically abusive behavior because you’re repeating a cycle (a habit) you saw in your childhood… or because you don’t actually like and respect who you are?
Do you rationalize cheating because you think that’s all you deserve and that you shouldn’t expect more?
Have you been settling for lazy unaspiring partners because they make you feel better about yourself? Because they don’t expect too much from you…because you’ve been afraid to expect more from yourself? This pretty much summed up most of my (unconscious) relationship choices as a young adult, but I didn’t fully identify it until I purposely took a break from men and dating, to do my own soul searching – in the way of alone time (a lot of it), journaling, and deep conversations with myself and my god.
The pattern I discovered was that I repeatedly got in relationships to hide from my dreams and my highest potential…because who was I to expect more from myself, to do better than those around me… to do better than my mother? Yeah, get ready to go deep!
Whatever relationship patterns you uncover…the ways in which you have contributed, (because every person you attract into your life is a reflection of yourself or what you believe about yourself), be thankful for them. They were there to teach you, and maybe protect you for a period of time. But now that you know they are no longer serving you, it’s time to give them up. Clear the old energy so you can make room for the new energy you want to put out there.
2. Stop wasting time with the wrong ones.
This point clearly supports the first one. Now that you know why you were with the wrong ones, stop being with them! It’s not enough to say, “I know he’s not the right one, but in the meantime…” No, no, no! It doesn’t work that way, even when you convince yourself (like I did) that it does.
Dates, hook ups, rendezvous… they all cloud the path between you and your soulmate. I wish someone told me this in my 20’s! Maybe they did and I just didn’t listen. It’s not that I wanted, or was even trying, to attract my soulmate then. But I can’t help but feel I wasted a lot of my precious time, and overstayed many welcomes.
While it’s all a part of the experience, I think we can both agree that two or three of the same or similar experiences is just as effective as four, five, or six. When we can avoid relearning the “same old same old”, we free up a lot of time and energy to create more productive patterns and nurturing experiences.
If you’re serious about attracting your soulmate (which I assume you are since you’re reading this article), then you’ve got to clear the way for him to reach you. All that stuff in the middle is just a distraction and a delay.
3. Learn to love alone time (and yourself).
After you’ve done the work in numbers 1 and 2, this part should come rather easily and automatically, since now that you’ve stopped wasting time with the wrong guys, you’ll have a lot more time to spend with yourself and ON yourself.
In fact, having this extra time in my life, and my day, is what got me back into a regular fitness regimen. My time spent in the gym, focusing on my health and my fitness, was far more productive and nurturing than any hours I spent with the wrong guy…the “in the meantime” guy, or even unnecessary socializing – you know, the point you get to where you’re just passing the time at crowded happy hours with associates and “friends” that amount to nothing more than redundant small talk, high calorie bar food, less money in your pocket, and an empty feeling at the end of the night?
Besides working out, other things I enjoyed doing by myself included going to the movies, cooking my favorite meals and watching my favorite shows or movies, writing, and taking long walks. It may sound boring or “weird” but I found that I really cherished my alone time and looked forward to it. It’s like I was “dating myself”, and the more I got to know her, the more I liked her.
If you don’t already know, figure out what you enjoy doing just for the sake of doing it. And do more of it, with yourself and for yourself.
Enjoying time by yourself…I mean really getting to know yourself and learning how to have fun with just you – without the security cushion of another person or people, without the need for approval or dependence – is the greatest gift you can give to your future soulmate.
4. Get clear and specific
This is where you make your list.
In this part of the process, I’d like to share with you a quote that I visit often when I’m faced with a new decision or trajectory in life. I can’t remember if I wrote this or if I picked it up from someone else. Either way, it makes an important point.
“Whenever we have wishy-washy goals or expectations, we end up with wishy-washy results.”
This quote reminds me to define my focus and set clear intentions before I move on with any decision or goal setting process.
In the case of love, that simply means that if you only “kind of know” what you want in a mate, then you’ll only attract a mate who “kind of” suits you.
So…now that you’ve spent time getting to truly know yourself and love yourself, and you’ve identified why you’ve been attracting the wrong guys, you can finally begin to attract the right guy…your perfect partner or soulmate.
Find a quiet place where you can relax and get comfortable. Spend a few minutes just breathing and being still. If you mediate, this is the perfect time to do that.
Once you feel centered, begin by writing all the things you want in a partner. Include as many details as possible – his values, mannerisms, economics, spiritual beliefs, even his physical appearance. Don’t censor or edit your list at this point. Just keep writing as many things as come to mind. This part is basically a brain dump.
Resist the tendency to focus on what you don’t want, since whatever we focus on we attract, whether we want it or not. Only focus on the things you DO want!
When I did this, my brain dump list was at least 30 or 40 details long, which made the Mindful Trimming of the list (the next step), that much more revealing. You too may be a bit surprised by what makes your final list.
This is the fun part!
To mindfully trim your list down to the 10 things that are most important to you in a soulmate, requires you to spend a little more time, and to go a little deeper. The way you do that is through visualization. It’s not enough to just write what you want. You need to feel what you want, as if you are experiencing it in the moment.
Visualization is absolutely necessary for manifestation.
So as you look at your list, begin to imagine life with your perfect partner today…how does it feel waking up next to him? How does he act when you’re together? What does he talk about at dinner? What else do you notice about him? What are his values?
How does he hold your hand – gently, or firmly?
How do the two of you handle conflict? How do you raise your children, if you have them? How does he support you in your goals, and through the inevitable challenges you are faced with?
How do you spend your weekends? How does he feel about the amount of time you spend working, or pursuing your personal passions? How does his work and passions fit into your life?
Let these answers flow to you honestly and without judgement. And as they do, allow yourself to really feel the experience as if it’s happening today…as if you are already together. And as you do this, you’ll be able to go through your list and cross off the things that aren’t feeling (in your visualization) as important to you as the others…until eventually you are left with your final list – the 10 things that perfectly describe your soulmate.
When I did this, I was surprised that things I thought mattered, like “can’t have children,” “can’t be divorced,” and “can’t be much older than me” did not make my top 10. Other things that I had previously pretended didn’t matter so much, like “must enjoy exercise”, and “must be more introverted than extroverted,” did make my top 10.
I was finally getting real about what really mattered to me, not what I thought should matter.
5. Release attachment to how and when
It’s not your job to determine how and when you will meet your soulmate. Give up the idea that you need to meet him by a certain age, or that you need to meet him in church (or not in church). This is where so many people get in their own way…by not trusting the process!
After I made my list I determined I would not waste time dating anyone who didn’t match it, and so I was perfectly prepared to go years without meeting my soulmate. I had no idea I would meet him two days later. But I was not in charge of that; the universe was.
So remember, your job is not the how, your job is the why and the what.
Now that you’re clear about why and what you want, all that is left is to allow yourself to receive it, in whatever manner the universe provides it. Be open to how, when, and where your soulmate will come from.
And in the meantime, enjoy your life. Your work here is done.
Did you experience any Ah-Ha moments reading this article? Please share it in comments below. I reply to every one of your comments, and I look forward to chatting it up with you!
Are you one of the blessed ones, already living life with your soulmate? Congratulations! Can you help me spread the love dust by either sharing this email with someone who’s looking for love?