Why pushing harder isn’t the answer when you feel maxed out.
I’m going to bet that you don’t need a better plan.
You don’t need another productivity hack.
And if you’re a high achiever, you probably don’t need more discipline.
If you’ve been feeling stretched, reactive, or strangely maxed out lately — it may not be that you’re stuck.
You may be at capacity.
High achievers rarely consider this.
You’re used to expansion.
Growth.
Momentum.
But there’s a difference between wanting more… and having the internal capacity to hold more.
You can pray for the next level.
Work for the next level.
Strategize for the next level.
But if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe there, you will unconsciously pull back.
You’ll:
– Overreact to small things
– Feel urgency when nothing is urgent
– Get short with people, especially those you love
– Sleep lightly
– Feel busy… but brittle
That’s not incompetence.
That’s a capacity signal.
And capacity doesn’t increase because you push harder.
It increases when your body learns it’s SAFE to hold more.
Honesty moment: (pause for a moment here… is your body trying to tell you that it doesn’t feel safe taking on more right now?)
When Your Life Improves — But Your Reactions Don’t
Last week I wrote about “emotional” Groundhog Day.
When we get stuck in the same patterns.
The same triggers.
Even when our circumstances have improved.
This is the layer underneath that.
You can change your environment.
You can grow your business.
You can improve your marriage.
You can mature spiritually.
And yes, you can still feel reactive.
That disconnect is extremely confusing.
I know it was for me.
Especially when you’ve done so much work.And especially when your life is objectively better than it used to be.
So what’s happening?
You’ve grown externally.
But your internal capacity hasn’t caught up yet.
When Drive Is Actually Survival
I used to believe my control tendencies were just discipline.
High standards.
Drive.
Attention to detail.
Years later, when I was clinically diagnosed with OCD and complex PTSD, I had to confront something uncomfortable:
Some of what I called “drive” was actually hypervigilance.
Not all of it.
But enough of it to matter.
That realization changed how I saw myself.
It forced me to admit something I didn’t want to see.
I realized that some of what I called discipline was actually a survival pattern.
For me, the diagnosis didn’t erase my drive.
It just clarified it.
It gave me context and discernment.
It showed me where strength ended and survival began.
What Capacity Actually Means
Capacity is your ability to handle:
Pressure.
Conflict.
Uncertainty.
Visibility.
Responsibility.
Disappointment.
Disagreement.
– without your body (and mind) reacting as if something is wrong, or needs to be protected or defended.
When capacity is low, small stressors feel big.
When capacity is strong, even big stressors feel minor, or at least manageable.
That’s the difference.
And you simply cannot build a bigger life than your nervous system can tolerate.
At some point, it will push back.
And inevitably, untreated, it will break.
Through irritability.
Through exhaustion.
Through tension in your tone.
Through the need to control details that ultimately don’t matter.
Not because you’re weak.
Because you’re full.
Why More Effort Backfires
When a high achiever feels pressure, the instinct is to double down.
More structure.
More discipline.
More optimization.
But effort does not build capacity.
Safety does.
Rest does.
Honest processing does.
Sitting in discomfort without reacting to it does.
Letting something be imperfect without tightening does.
That’s slower work.
Quieter work.
Less outwardly impressive work.
But it’s foundational.
A Better Question
Just for today…
If you feel stretched right now, don’t ask:
“How do I push through this?”
Ask:
“What would increase my capacity to hold this well?”
Maybe it’s:
Going to bed earlier.
Pausing before responding.
Breathing longer on the exhale.
Releasing the need to manage every small variable.
Releasing the need to be right, or to prove someone wrong. Having a conversation calmly instead of quickly.
These sound small.
They are not.
They retrain your nervous system, slowly, one situation at a time.
And when your internal capacity expands, external growth becomes sustainable instead of exhausting.
Remember: you’re not stuck.
You may simply be at capacity.
And capacity can grow.
Not through force.
Through formation.
If You’re Ready to Go Deeper
If you’re in a season where your life looks successful on paper but you know something deeper is being asked of you — not to achieve more, but to recalibrate — I am selectively opening space for a small number of private 1:1 clients.
This isn’t therapy.
And it isn’t hustle coaching.
It’s mentorship for high achievers who want to build from regulation instead of adrenaline.
You can apply here:
